What should end

No matter where you are in the breakup process, knowing how to break up well including how to break up with someone you love can help make this transition smoother and less harmful for both partners. We say "right" way, but in reality, there is no right or "best" way to break up.

Every relationship is different, and every person in a relationship is different. It is up to you to consider the personality, needs, and feelings of your partner as you read through this article and figure out how to end things.

Understand that there is no pain-free way to break up. We all wish that we could end relationships without any hurt or pain. But no matter how broken the relationship is, officially ending it will cause pain on both sides. Once you acknowledge that there will be pain, you can be prepared for the aftermath. If you've ever been dumped by text or email or if you've been ghosted altogether , you know how it feels to be given so little consideration that the other person didn't even bother to tell you in person.

Why do the same to another person? Your partner deserves the dignity of a face-to-face conversation. An intimate setting is arguably better, but if you are worried about your partner having a violent reaction, a public place is safer.

In general, people want to know why they're being dumped. While "you're terrible in bed" or "you lack ambition" might seem like an honest answer, it doesn't really preserve your partner's self-esteem or dignity. Using a reflexive sentence like "I don't feel we're compatible sexually" or "I don't think our long-term goals align anymore" are nicer ways to express your feelings.

If you are at the point of breaking up , nothing can restore or revive the relationship now. Giving in will only delay the inevitable.

Do not suggest you stay friends. Avoid saying "let's stay in touch. You may be friends again down the road, but this is not the right time to consider this possibility. Express your sadness at the breakup and share some good things about your time together.

Being dumped feels really bad. You can soften the blow a little by talking about some of the good times you shared together. Say something like, "You taught me so much about cooking and I am a better cook now, thanks to you," or something similar. You want to make the other person feel like they had a positive impact on your life despite the relationship ending. You may also want to say something like, "I had hoped for us to grow old together, and I am sad that it will not happen.

Avoid turning the other person into "the bad guy. You have faults too, and turning your ex-partner into an evil figure is not helpful aside from obvious instances of violence, but that's not the kind of relationship we're talking about here. They may have done some bad things, like cheating , but they are human too.

It's okay to come to a close friend or family member for advice, but once you've made your decision, the mature thing to do is to tell your partner next. Choose your time and place wisely. Choose a time and place that will allow for both you and the person that you're about to dump some privacy. Fridays are a suitable choice if it gives your soon-to-be-ex the weekend to recover somewhat.

Don't break up with your partner in your favorite restaurant, bar, or your favorite spot in a park. Pick a neutral location that has no special meaning for either of you.

Pick a time when you know you'll be in a relatively calm emotional state. Don't break up with your partner after you know you'll be staying late for a stressful meeting at work. Make sure to end the relationship in person under most circumstances. To give your significant other the respect that they deserve, you should end the relationship in person, no matter how much you're dreading it.

The only time it's acceptable to end the relationship over the phone is if you're in a long-distance relationship and know you won't see each other for a while, or if you're in a controlling or manipulative relationship. If your ex is prone to outbursts, violence, or manipulative behaviors, it is much safer for you to end the relationship at a distance.

Part 2. Be firm about breaking up. Be firm in what you say——being wishy-washy in the vain hope that you'll let the other person down "easy" will only cause more hurt in the end.

A break-up does not need to be a dramatic, escalating event. Get to the point and say that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, that it isn't working for you. Doing otherwise leads the door open for argument. You may think that it'll ease the pain to tell your partner "I'm not ready for this right now" or "Maybe this can work down the road Be honest but not cruel.

You don't want your partner to walk away feeling unsure about why the relationship was over, but you don't want them walking away knowing the top 20 things you don't like about them, either. Just be honest about why the relationship needs to end, whether it's because you're feeling suffocated, manipulated, or disrespected. Don't waste time beating around the bush. In that case, you should still be honest, but say it as gently as you can.

Once you've given your main reason, you don't have to go into all the details and rehash old arguments, unless the person is genuinely confused. There's no reason to bring up past problems and add insult to injury.

Don't put the person down and make him feel insecure and worthless. Don't say, "I just want to be with a real man" -- instead, say, "I think you still have to work on developing your confidence. If you kept up open lines of communication, then it won't be coming out of nowhere. Avoid making a long list of reasons as to why you're dumping them. Boil down your well-thought-through reason to the essential problem: "We are not compatible enough in key areas," "I don't feel supported by you in my career path, and I don't want to change my path," "I want children and you don't," or other similar and specific details.

Be prepared for a bad reaction. The person who is getting dumped will typically react with anger or with wonder, shock, or panic.

If they respond with anger, try to remain calm and attempt to calm them down. Keep your voice at ease, even if they begin to yell. If it gets too out of control, just leave and let them cool down——but be sure you assure them that you will be willing to come back later, when they are calmer.

Don't just say, "Oh forget it, I'm outta here. Voice your opinions if things are getting too uncomfortable or inappropriate. You don't want to be drawn down the same path that led you to this moment. Be compassionate, but be firm and cut the contact short if it seems to be escalating. If you're worried about leaving your ex alone, call a friend of theirs and explain what happened, where they are, and what you're concerned about, and what you want the friend to do.

Apologize for the pain the situation has caused and thank this friend for helping and leave it at that. If your ex is furious to the point that nothing will get through to them just then, say, "It's not productive to just yell at one another.

I've made my decision, and I won't change my mind, but I will talk with you if you can remain calmer. Take some time to settle down, and then call me - we can talk again then.

Pick up the call. If there are questions, be honest and kind with your answers, but keep the conversation short and civil so you don't prolong the pain. Establish concrete boundaries for your future interaction.

Once you have begun the process, be polite but firm about these boundaries, and make it clear that they are non-negotiable. It is permissible to cut them off without a chance to discuss what went wrong. Try to make the failed relationship as valuable as possible by turning it into a chance to learn and grow and as to what type of people to avoid. If you have mutual friends and want to avoid each other for a while, make a "joint custody" plan to see your friends without running into each other.

If you both have a favorite coffee shop or go to the same gym every time, try to set a schedule that helps you avoid each other. You don't have to be too rigid or organized about this, but it can help you avoid the pain of running into each other.

If you have each other's things or even live together, make a plan for sorting out your belongings as soon as possible so you don't have to keep seeing each other. Know when to walk away.

One of the biggest mistakes made in ending a relationship is allowing the final death throes to go on and on. And on. It's one thing to finalize shared expenses, disentangle community property, etc.

It's another thing to beat a dead horse endlessly. When discussions become circular——in other words, you just travel around and around the same points without coming to a point of resolution——stop. That's the moment to say, "I think we should continue this later, or not," and leave. If the person doesn't understand why you're breaking up with them, you can try to make things clearer in a letter or message. Say what you need to say, let the other person explain themselves in a message so they feel that they've been listened to, and leave it at that.

It can be easier to disentangle when you're doing it while apart. Part 3. Don't try to stay friends right away. Trying to "be friends" can prolong the agony of a breakup. Most often, it is best to make a clean break and spend time apart. After a time, perhaps three months, perhaps a year or more, when you see one another, it won't hurt as much, and maybe then you can try to be friends with a clean slate.

Make it as amazing as you want it to be. Be sure not to confuse your dream life with your goals. Your goals are specific things you want to achieve, but without an action plan they are useless. Your action plan consists of steps you need to take in order achieve your goal. You create a plan, like committing to training every day at 6am, hiring a trainer to help you, starting off by walking 5km, then a little further, then adding some running in, then a little more your plan is going to look far more specific than this, clearly I have never run a marathon.

The point is, you need to create an action plan that gives you step by step how you can achieve your goal so you can move forward one step at a time and achieve it.

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